Dec 28, 2011
Last Christmas Joke this year:
The Teacher asked young Patrick Murphy:
"What do you do at Christmas time?"
Patrick addressed the class: "Well, Miss Jones,
me and my twelve brothers and sisters go to midnight
mass and we sing hymns; then we come home very late
and we put mince pies by the back door and hang up our
stockings. Then, all excited, we go to bed and wait for
Father Christmas to come with all our toys."
"Very nice Patrick," she said.
"Now Jimmy Brown, what do you do at Christmas?"
"Well, Miss Jones, me and my sister also go to church
with Mum and Dad and we sing carols and we get home
ever so late. We put cookies and milk by the chimney and
we hang up our stockings. We hardly sleep, waiting for
Santa Claus to bring our toys and presents."
Realising there was a Jewish boy in the class and not
wanting to leave him out of the discussion, she asked,
"Now, Isaac Cohen, what do you do at Christmas?"
Isaac said, "Well, it's the same thing every year... Dad
comes home from the office, we all pile into the Rolls
Royce and drive we drive to Dad's toy factory where
we look at all the empty shelves... we sing: 'What A Friend
We Have in Jesus,' and then we all go to the Bahamas."
Sorry 2nd last:
Dear Santa, Please send me a baby brother.
Santa wrote back: "Send me your mother..."
These just in:
Three cartoon Jokes about US Presidents:
(have you noticed that we don’t use USA anymore)
1 Senior Bush to his son George W Bush, “Son, you’re making
the same mistake in Iraq that I made with your Mother.
I didn’t pullout in time.”
2 President Clinton with a large dog smelling under his coat.
Hillary says, “Let’s name her Monica.”
3 President Obama standing beside a sign, ‘WHITE HOUSE’
thinking, “Well first off, that’s signs gotta go...”
On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband
and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly
aroused state, her husband readily agreed. This scenario was repeated
each time they made love, for more than 40 years, with him thinking that
it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that
she needed. Arriving home around noon one day, she was Surprised to
find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes,
he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate
downsizing, and he had been let go. It was unlikely that, at the age of 59,
he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he'd
been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined. Calmly, his wife
handed him a bank book which showed more than forty years of steady
deposits and interest totalling nearly $1 million. Then she showed him
certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2
million, and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in
the bank. She explained that for more than three decades she had
'charged' him for sex, these holdings had multiplied and these were the
results of her savings and investments. Faced with evidence of cash and
investments worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he
could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out,
'If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all
my business!' That's when she shot him.
A young female shop assistant likes to wear very short skirts and brief panties.
One day a young man enters the store, noticing her short skirt and the location
of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea. "I'd like some raisin bread please,"
The shop assistant climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread located on the
very top shelf. The man standing almost directly beneath her is provided with
an excellent view. When she descends the ladder, he decides that he had
better get two loaves. As the she retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the
other male customers notices what's going on and requests his own loaf of
raisin bread. After many trips she is tired and irritated and begins to wonder,
"why the unusual interest in the raisin bread?"
Atop the ladder one more time, she looks down and glares at the men standing
below. Then, she notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd. Thinking
that she can save herself another trip, she yells at the elderly man,
"Is it raisin for you too?"
"No," stammers the old man, "but it's quivering a little."
Q. Twice I've walked in on my husband masturbating
in the bathroom, what should I do.
40 horror films in 4 minutes
God and the Bridge:
A man was riding his Harley along a California beach when suddenly the
sky clouded above his head... In a booming voice, the Lord said, “Because
you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.”
The biker pulled over and said, Well, build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride
over anytime I want.” The Lord said, 'Your request is materialistic. Think of
the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required
to reach the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take!
It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for
me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think
of something that could possibly help mankind.'
The biker thought for a while and said, “Lord, I wish that I, and all men,
could understand our wives; I want to know how she feels inside, what
she's thinking, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's
wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy.”
The Lord replied, “Mmm… now, how many lanes do you want on that bridge?”
Trouble and Strife:
Eileen and her husband Bob went for counselling after
just 15 years of marriage. When asked what the problem
was, Eileen went into a passionate, painful tirade listing
every problem they had ever had in the 15 years they had
been married. She went on and on and on: neglect, lack
of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and
unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had
endured over the course of their marriage. Finally, after
allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the
therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking
Eileen to stand, embraced her, unbuttoned her blouse and
bra, put his hands on her breasts and massaged them
thoroughly, while kissing her passionately as her husband
Bob watched with a raised eyebrow! Eileen shut up,
buttoned up her blouse, and quietly sat down while
basking in the glow of being highly aroused.
The therapist turned to Bob and said, “This is what your
wife needs at least three times a week…” Bob thought
for a moment and replied,
“Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and
Wednesdays, but not on Fridays, as I play golf.”
The winner of the double massage this week is: PURPLE F 52
Wednesday, 30th November 2011 B-10 Blue
Wednesday, 07th December 2011 C-11 Purple
Wednesday, 14th December 2011 D-60 Blue
Wednesday, 21st December 2011 F-3 Purple
Wednesday, 28th December 2011 F-52 Purple
See all the winning results at: http://kingscourt.com.au/win.php
See past emails at: http://kingscourt.com.au/happy-ending-news
Kings Court – Busty List - These are genuine and real:
Busty and shapely: Megan, Amy, Lisa, Alicia, Isabelle
Extra Busty and Shapely: Helena, Bianca (breastacular) Alana, Eve
Tiny Girls Extreme Busty: Josie, Melanie
The Kings Court Massage “Whole List” refreshed on Thursday 28.12.11
Asian ladies are presented in green !!!!
Alicia, mostly days, busty Aussie, likes to wear sexy themed outfits - Affectionate.!
Amy, Busty and Beautiful Korean, Very young.
Bianca Lovely girl – very pretty and busty BREASTACULAR!!, exotic looks
Cara, Indonesian, slim shy pretty
Charlotte, Blonde Aussie
Cleo, Thai, tall slim pretty
Eve, Very Busty Brunette, bubbly NEW
Faith, Tall BLACK Marutian
Gina, young blonde German, bubbly personality
Helena, busty DD European redhead Away from 24.12.11 for two weeks
Isabelle, Busty DD personable brunette Aussie. Great fun in the spa !!!!
Jessica, Petite brunette Aussie
Josie Busty pretty Asian. Petite yet busty. Very good masseuse. Away from the 30th Dec
Kelly, Slim dark Indonesian.
Kylie, Pretty German incredibly beautiful eyes Away from 21.12.11 for three weeks
Lana, Young Korean, NEW
Lee, Slim beautiful Korean who loves it here. Full of life!!
Lilly, Pretty slender American/Italian very sweet little thing.
Lisa, Very busty Indian. This girl has a very nice personality and already very popular.
Mariko, Japanese very slim and tiny and happy NEW
Martina, Tall BLACK African – very tall and very black NEW
Megan, English, Statuesque with style and looks and a body to cry for. Mmmm...
Melanie, Pretty, bubbly, cheeky and really great tits.
Mya, Energetic and friendly and very attractive Asian
Nadia, Pretty Slovakian with good massage. Very popular!
Olivia, Slim English blonde. Holiday until 10.01.12
Rosemarie, Slim Aussie blonde.
Roxy, Slim brunette American.
Sabrina Busty South American
Sandy, Japanese sweet and petite, very nice girl
Samantha, Blonde Aussie tall and shy
Sasha Medium Aussie beautiful brown eyes
Stacey Tall Aussie slim and popular
Valeska, “Snow White” She has very black hair and very white skin. A slim, sexy minx.
Vivian, Japanese very pretty and shapely
Yasmin German/Aussie brunette very pretty and very popular
Yuki, Busty and beautiful Japanese fairly good English ON HOLIDAY
Kings Court: The place where first time customers come to meet first time girls.
Remember: Everyone knows someone who should know about Kings Court.
Some girl who needs a harmless job or some boy who needs to start out on the right track.
Great Advert – Wilson:
Great Advert – Short follow up:
Bear commercial – Sexy:
Greatest Game of Snooker ever:
The cup size choir – Mmmm:
Best Fails of 2011:
This is a clever prank:
perfect crash landing:
Ten minute introduction to pool:
Science with dry ice:
Little Johnny Joke:
Teacher asks the class to name things that end with
“tor” that eat things.
The first little boy says, "Alligator."
The second boy says, "Predator."
Little Johnny says, "Vibrator."
Nearly falling off her chair, she says,
"That is a big word, but it doesn't eat anything."
"Well my sister has one and she says it eats f*cking
batteries like there's no tomorrow!"
This started out well:
The wife asked, "How many women have you slept with?"
He proudly replied,
"Only you, Darling. With all the others, I was awake."
Contribution from “Sparkle Spam”
Two Wolves: (this is very clever – philosophy, though)
An old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that
goes on inside people. He said, "My son, the battle is
between two wolves inside us all.”
"One is Evil - It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret,
greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority,
lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
"The other is Good - It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity,
humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity,
truth, compassion and faith."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then
asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"
The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."
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