Topless Tuesdays and This Weeks Erotic Massage Winner

May 20th, 2010

Hi Everyone

Don’t miss out on the new stuff:
Mondays: Bras and Spas – The girls wear their
best bras for you to enjoy! You can also have a free
spa - all day Monday!
Topless Tuesdays: Girls will be wearing very
sexy see-through outfits! - all day Tuesdays!
Wednesday Party Nights:
First Wednesday evening of each month for party
eats and the girls dress up in Fantasy Themes
Fantasy Thursday:
Sexy fantasy outfits – all day Thursdays!

The winner of the double massage this week is: Red D 20

See all the winning results at: http://www.kingscourt.com.au/win.php

A Good Contest:
A petrol station owner in India was trying to increase his sales.
So, he put up a sign that read, “Free Sex with Fill-Up.” Soon a
Sadar pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex. The
owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed
correctly, he would get his free sex. The Sadar guessed 8, and
the proprietor said, “You were close. The number was 7. Sorry.
No sex this time.” A week later, the same Sadar, along with his
friend a Kashmiri pulled in for another fill-up. Again he asked for
his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story, and
asked him to guess the correct number. Santa guessed 2 this
time. The proprietor said, “Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but
no free sex this time.” As they were driving away, the Kashmiri
said to the Sadar, “I think that game is rigged and he doesn’t
really give away free sex.” The Sadar replied, “No it ain’t, . It’s
not rigged at all. My wife won twice last week!!!!.”

Modified Porn using Cartoons - funny if you have seen porn before:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ROtrH002Lds

Girls Play Giant Piano: Video
http://www.funnyhub.com/videos/pages/girls-play-giant-piano.html

Neat Baseball Bat Swing: Video
http://www.funnyhub.com/videos/pages/baseball-bat-spin-swing.html

Busty List - These are genuine and real:
Busty and shapely: Amanda, Jordan, Alicia, Raquel,
Martina (Japanese and short,) Sylvia, Mandy (crazy)
Ingrid, Brigette (Maori) Madeline (hot Brazillian) Holly
Extra Busty and Shapely: Sabrina, Mariko (Busty Japanese,)
Big and Very Busty: Chantal (nice personality too)
Tiny Girls Extreme Busty: Melanie, Josie, Lana (for her nipples)

The Kings Court Massage “Whole List” refreshed on Wed 12.05.2010
Asian ladies now presented in green
Alana, Attractive Busty English “very nice” Away until July
Alicia, mostly days, busty Aussie, likes to wear sexy themed outfits - Affectionate.!
Amanda, Young blonde, blue eyed, busty Aussie chick
Amber Tall slim, long dark hair, very sweet Aussie NEW
Ashley Blonde busty KIWI
Bianca, mostly nights, Lovely girl – busty curvaceous, exotic looks.
Brenda, Irish with a cheeky personality
Bridgette, Tall busty dark New Zealander. An outstanding looker
Cara, Looks Malaysian slim shy pretty NEW
Carmen Tall Aussie
Cathy, Very Good Massage Dark and exotic attractive Indonesian
Chantal Scottish, size 16 very busty. Young smiley and pretty.
Chloe Tall pretty Kiwi fair and slim
Cleo, Tall slim Thai with exotic eyes – very nice
Carmen, Young brunette Aussie
Elly Slim and sexy brunette.
Erika Japanese petite shy
Holly Busty curvy Aussie – very young
Jane, Japanese sweet and petite
Jordan Brunette Aussie Slim cute and Busty
Josie Busty pretty Asian. Petite yet busty. Very good masseuse
Katrina, French/German pale skin and black hair with very good legs.
Kathryn, Very Pretty Blonde Aussie girl NEW
Kelly Sexy Japanese girl with a dancers body. Does Salsa in her spare time.
Kimi, Pretty slim Japanese NEW
Kylie, Pretty German incredibly beautiful eyes
Lana, Cute nipples, shy Philippino
Lee, Very Pretty Philippino
Lilly, Cute young Thai NEW
Lisa, Slim tall Thai
Madeline, busty Brasillian NEW
Mandy, mostly days, American very popular and vivacious.
Mariko Busty Japanese curvy NEW
Martina Busty Japanese sweet
Melanie, Prettiest big bust on the prettiest little cute girl.
Meissa, Small personable Aussie brunette.
Mia Tall slim Maori New Zealander Italian looking model material
Monica, Aussie, slightly older, good body and friendly.
Naomi, Young and slim attractive Asian.
Olivia, Blonde, sweet English rose.
Paris, Very, very slim and quite young.
Raquel, Busty Czech Very good professional massage!!
Roxy, Toned Tall and Slim. English Blonde.
Sabrina, very, very, very busty European redhead.
Sandy, Japanese sweet and petite
Suzy, Cute Chinese – very good massage and repeat clients.
Sylvia, Curvy South American quite sexy, attractive gets repeat customers.
Taylor, Very Pretty Blonde Aussie girl NEW
Tina, Pretty Busty Bali girl NEW
Valerie, Eurasian, very sensual and trained in massage.
Valeska, Slim Gothic. Popular. Two Months Holiday
Yvette, Slim French girl NEW
Zoe, mostly days, very, very pretty

The Lost Bagpiper:
A bagpiper, was arranged by a funeral director to play at a
graveside service for a homeless man who had no family
or friends. The funeral was to be held at a cemetery in the
remote countryside and this man would be the first to be
laid to rest there… Not being familiar with the backwoods
area, he became lost and being a typical male, he did not
stop for directions. Finally he arrived an hour late.
The backhoe crew were eating lunch but the hearse was
nowhere in sight. He apologised to the workers for his
tardiness and stepped to the side of the open pit where he
assured the workers he would not hold them up for long but
this was the proper thing to do. The workers gathered around,
still eating their lunch as he played out his heart and soul.
As he played the workers began to weep. He played and
played like never before, from Going Home and The Lord
is My Shepherd to Flowers of the Forest. Closing the lengthy
session with Amazing Grace and walked off to his car.
As he was opened the door and took off his coat, he
overheard one of the workers saying to another, “Sweet
Jeezuz, Mary ‘n Joseph, I have never seen nothin’ like that
before and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.”

Ahh, Those Naughty Irish:
Paddy has broken his leg and his mate Mick goes round to see him.
Mick says, “How you doin?” Paddy says “Can’t get around. Do us a
favour, nip upstairs and get me slippers, me feet are freezing.”
Mick goes upstairs and sees Paddy’s gorgeous 19-year-old twin
daughters sitting on the bed… He says, “Your dad’s sent me up here
to shag the both of you.” They say, “Get away with ya… prove it.”
Mick shouts downstairs “Paddy, both of em?” Paddy shouts back,
“Of course both of em, what’s the point of just f*ckin’ one?”

A Grateful Pet:
An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard… I could tell
from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was
well taken care of. He calmly came over to me, I gave him a
few pats on his head. He then followed me into my house,
slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell
asleep. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.
The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked
inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for
about an hour. This continued off and on for several weeks.
Curious I pinned a note to his collar: “I would like to find out
who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is and ask if you
are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my
house for a nap.” The next day he arrived for his nap, with a
different note pinned to his collar: “He lives in a home with six
children, two under the age of three - he’s trying to catch up
on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?”
regards

Big John

Topless Tuesdays and Much More at Kings Court Erotic Massage

May 6th, 2010
Hi Everyone

BIG NEWS!! BIG NEWS!! BIG NEWS!!

Mondays: Bras and Spas – The girls wear their
best bras for you to enjoy! You can also have a free
spa - all day Monday!

Topless Tuesdays: Girls will be wearing very
sexy see-through outfits!
- all day Tuesdays!

Wednesday Party Nights:
First Wednesday evening of each month for party
nibbles and the girls dress up in Fantasy Themes

Fantasy Thursday:
Sexy fantasy outfits – all day Thursdays!

The winner of the double massage this week is: Black B 8

See all the winning results at:  http://www.kingscourt.com.au/win.php

Medical Mayhem:
A woman went to the doctor’s office where she was seen by one of the
younger doctors. After about four minutes in the examination room, she
burst out screaming as she ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped
her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story. After
listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room. The older
doctor marched down the hallway back to where the young doctor was
writing on his clipboard. “What’s the matter with you?” the older doctor
demanded. “Mrs. Terry is 61 years old, has four grown children and
seven grandchildren, and you go and tell her she is pregnant?”
The younger doctor continued writing and without looking up said,
“Does she still have the hiccups?”

Only in America:
On his death bed, Earl Woods gave his son Tiger the
following advice: “Focus on golf. Fuck everything else.”

Oh! Those Irish:
An Irishman was walking home late at night and sees a woman
lurking in the shadows. “Twenty dollars,” she whispers.
Paddy had never had a hooker before, but decides - what the
hell, it’s only twenty bucks. So they hide in the bushes. They’re
going at it for a couple of minutes when, all of a sudden, a light
flashes on them. It’s a police officer. “What’s going on here, then?”
asks the officer. “I’m making love to me wife,” the Irishman
answers sounding annoyed.
“Oh, I’m so sorry,” says the cop, “I didn’t know.”
“Needer did I,” says Paddy, “til ya shoined dat light in her face!!!”

Finally thank heavens! A good version of a joke I have not wanted
to use before – contributed by David – thank you so much:
While she was “flying” down the road yesterday, a woman passed
over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side
lying in wait… The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with
that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, “What’s
your hurry?” To which she replied, “I’m late for work.”
“Oh yeah,” said the cop, “what do you do?”
I’m a rectum stretcher,” she responded.
The cop stammered, “A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what
does a rectum stretcher do?”
“Well,” she said, “I start by inserting one finger, then work my way
up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in.
I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly
but surely stretch it, until it’s about 6 feet wide.”
“And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?” he asked.
“You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge…”

Busty List - These are genuine and real:
Busty and shapely: Amanda, Jordan, Alicia, Raquel,
Martina (Japanese and short,) Sylvia, Mandy (crazy)
Ingrid, Brigette (Maori) Madeline, Holly
Extra Busty and Shapely: Sabrina, Mariko (Busty Japanese,)
Big and Very Busty: Chantal (nice personality too)
Tiny Girls Extreme Busty: Melanie, Josie, Lana (for her nipples)

The Kings Court Massage “Whole List” refreshed on Wed 29.04.2010
Asian ladies now presented in green
Alana
, Attractive Busty English “very nice” Away until July
Alicia, mostly days, busty Aussie, likes to wear sexy themed outfits - Affectionate.!
Amanda, Young blonde, blue eyed, busty Aussie chick
Amber Tall slim, long dark hair, very sweet Aussie NEW
Ashley Blonde busty KIWI
Bianca, mostly nights, Lovely girl – busty curvaceous, exotic looks.
Brenda, Irish with a cheeky personality
Bridgette, Tall busty dark New Zealander. An outstanding looker
Cara, Looks Malaysian slim shy pretty NEW
Carmen Tall Aussie
Cathy, Very Good Massage Dark and exotic attractive Indonesian
Chantal Scottish, size 16 very busty. Young smiley and pretty.
Chloe Tall pretty Kiwi fair and slim
Cleo, Tall slim Thai with exotic eyes – very nice
Carmen, Young brunette Aussie RESTART
Elly Slim and sexy brunette.
Erika Japanese petite shy
Holly Busty curvy Aussie – very young  RESTART
Ingrid Busty curvy Australian friendly and popular
Jane, Japanese sweet and petite
Jordan Brunette Aussie Slim cute and Busty
Josie Busty pretty Asian. Petite yet busty. Very good masseuse
Katrina, French/German pale skin and black hair with very good legs.
Kelly Sexy Japanese girl with a dancers body. Does Salsa in her spare time.
Kimi, Pretty slim Japanese NEW
Kylie, Pretty German incredibly beautiful eyes NEW
Lana, Cute nipples, shy Philippino
Lee, Very Pretty Philippino
Lilly, Cute young Thai NEW
Lisa, Slim tall Thai
Madeline, busty Brasillian NEW
Mandy, mostly days, American very popular and vivacious.
Mariko Busty Japanese curvy NEW
Martina Busty Japanese sweet
Melanie, Prettiest big bust on the prettiest little cute girl.
Meissa, Small personable Aussie brunette.
Mia Tall slim Maori New Zealander Italian looking model material
Monica, Aussie, slightly older, good body and friendly.
Naomi, Young and slim attractive Asian.
Olivia, Blonde, sweet English rose.
Paris, Very, very slim and quite young.
Raquel, Busty Czech Very good professional massage!!
Roxy, Toned Tall and Slim. English Blonde.
Sabrina, very, very, very busty European redhead.
Sandy, Japanese sweet and petite
Suzy, Cute Chinese – very good massage and repeat clients.
Skye, Australian strawberry blonde, busty and very friendly - restart
Sylvia, Curvy South American quite sexy, attractive gets repeat customers.
Tina, Pretty Busty Bali girl NEW
Valerie, Eurasian, very sensual and trained in massage.
Valeska, Slim Gothic. Popular. Two Months Holiday
Zoe, mostly days, very, very pretty

Here are some Aussie promises that speak of true friendship:

When you are sad - I will help you get pissed and plot revenge
against the bastard who made you sad.

When you are blue - I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

When you smile - I will know you are thinking of something that I
would probably want to be involved in.

When you are sick - Stay the hell away from me until you are
well again. I don’t want whatever you have.

When you fall - I will laugh at you, you clumsy bugger, but I’ll
help you up.

Friendship is like pissing your pants, everyone can see it, but only
you can feel the true warmth.

The Seven Kinds of Sex:
The 1st kind of sex is called … Smurf Sex.
This kind of sex happens when you first meet
someone and you both have sex until you are
blue in the face.

The 2nd kind of sex is called … Kitchen Sex.
This is when you have been with your partner for
a short time and you are so needy you will have
Sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.

The 3rd kind of sex is called … Bedroom Sex.
This is when you have been with your partner for a
long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you
usually have sex only in your bedroom.

The 4th kind of sex is called … Hallway Sex.
This is when you have been with your partner for too
long. When you pass each other in the hallway you
both say … ‘Fuck You.’

The 5th kind of sex is called … Religious Sex.
Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the
afternoon and Nun at night. (Very Popular)

The 6th kind is called … Courtroom Sex.
This is when you cannot stand your wife/husband any more. She/he
takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.

And . Last … But not least …

The 7th kind of sex is called … Social Security Sex.
You get a little each month. But not enough to enjoy your self.

regards

Big John

Latest Winners - New Girls Next Week

March 25th, 2010

Hi Everyone

I’m away for a couple of days. I will up-date the girls list next week.
I have rewritten most of these bits and pieces for your amusement.

The winner of the double massage this week is: Red F 34

See all the winning results at:   http://www.kingscourt.com.au/win.php

Nurses are not supposed to laugh:
“I promise I won’t laugh,” said the nurse. “I’m a professional.
In over twenty years I’ve never laughed at a patient.” The patient
proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest thing. It was
the size of a peanut. Attempting to control herself, the nurse
produced a muffled giggle. He said, “It’s all right for you but it’s
been swollen like that for two days!” She ran out of the room.

Sex in the Dark:
There was this couple that had been married for 20 years.
Every time they made love, the husband always insisted
on shutting off the light. Well, after 20 years the wife felt
this was ridiculous. She figured she would break this crazy
habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild,
screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights. She
looked down and saw her husband was holding dildo…
Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one, however, she
went completely ballistic. “You impotent bastard,” She
screamed at him, “How could you lie to me for so long?
You better explain yourself!” He looked at her calmly and
said, “I’ll explain the dildo if you explain the kids.”

Remember to Movie Tron – scroll down for the trailer:
http://singularityhub.com/2010/03/10/tron-legacy-trailer-released-with-daft-punk-sound-score/ <http://singularityhub.com/2010/03/10/tron-legacy-trailer-released-with-daft-punk-sound-score/>

Lego Machine Does Rubik’s Cube in 12 Seconds:
http://singularityhub.com/2010/02/17/lego-robot-solves-any-rubiks-cube-in-less-than-12-seconds-video/

Sumo News Report:
A sumo wrestler ripped out a cash machine weighing 90kg (200lb)
and made off with it on his shoulders, police in Moscow report.
The suspect and an accomplice were arrested after being stopped
in a BMW with tinted windows which they were driving without
number-plates. The machine containing 25,320 roubles ($850) was
found in the car. Police say the accomplice tried to take the blame
for the robbery, saying he had misled his sumo-wrestler friend.
They were alerted to the incident by a saleswoman, who said the
suspects had walked into her shop in northern Moscow and begun
ripping out the electronic payment machine without a word. When
she tried to protest, one of the suspects allegedly yelled at her: “Be
quiet if you know what’s good for you!” The frightened woman waited
until the two men had left before phoning police, who dispatched two
officers to Marshal Fedorenko Street where they blocked the BMW.
The man who allegedly carried the cash machine said he was a
“professional sumo wrestler”. The second rascal said he misled his
sumo-friend, telling him he was taking away his own machine,”
Police said both suspects were from a “neighbouring country.”

Ways of the World:
Four guys are walking down the street, a Saudi, a Russian,
a North Korean, and a New Yorker. An interviewer says,
“Excuse me, what is your opinion about the meat shortage?”
The Saudi says, “What’s a shortage?”
The Russian says, “What’s meat?”
The North Korean says, “What’s an opinion?”
The New Yorker, says, “Excuse me?? What’s excuse me?”

Private Conversation:
An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who
shared offices with several other doctors. The waiting room was
filled with patients. As he approached the receptionist’s desk, he
noticed that she was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a
Sumo wrestler. He gave her his name. In a very loud voice, the
receptionist said, “YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT
TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?”
All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around
to look at the very embarrassed man. He recovered quickly, and
in an equally loud voice replied, “NO, I’VE COME TO INQUIRE
ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON’T WANT
THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS.”
The room erupted in applause!

Irish Diet:
An Irishman was terribly overweight. His doctor puts him on a diet.
“Eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure
for two weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least
five pounds. When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by
having lost nearly 60lbs! “Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor said, “Did
you follow my instructions?” The Irishman nodded…”I’ll tell you though,
by jaesuz, I t’aut I were going to drop dead on dat 3rd day.”
“From the hunger, you mean?” asked the doctor.
“No, from the f**kin’ skippin”

A Good Medical Recommendation:
A woman goes to the doctor all bruised and beaten up badly.
Doctor says, “My god…what  happened?” She replies “Doctor,
I don’t know what to do. Every time my husband comes home
after a few beers he beats me up.” The doctor says, “Well I
have a really good remedy for that. Next time your husband
comes home drunk, just make a cup of green tea, take a sip
and start swirling it in your mouth. Don’t drink it, just swirl it
around and around for a while.” Two weeks later she comes
back to the doctor and says, “The green tea thing was brilliant!
Every time my husband comes home drunk, I sip and swirl
and he never touches me.” The Doc said, “Now you can
see why keeping your mouth shut is such a good idea!!!”

regards

Big John

Hot and Busty Girls For Your Happy Ending Massage

March 18th, 2010
Hi Everyone

The winner of the double massage this week is: Orange 72 F

See all the winning results at:  http://www.kingscourt.com.au/win.php

Quick Irish Joke:
Mick said to Paddy: “You should draw da curtains of your bedroom
before making love to your wife in futchure.” Paddy asked, “Why?”
“Because,” says Mick “All of the street was laughing at the site of
your bum when you was making love yesterday.” Paddy replied,
“Silly buggers !!… the laughs on them. I wasn’t home yesterday !!”

Busty List - These are genuine and real:
Busty and shapely: Ami (Japanese,) Jordan, Jackie, Alicia, Ruby,
Raquel, Martina (Japanese and short,) Samantha, Sylvia, Mandy (crazy)
Extra Busty and Shapely: Bianca, Sabrina, Charlotte, Alana
Big and Very Busty: Chantal (nice personality too)
Tiny Girls Extreme Busty: Melanie, Isabelle, Josie, Lana (for her nipples)

The Kings Court Massage “Whole List” refreshed on Wed 17.03.2010
Asian ladies now presented in green
Abigail
, mostly Friday and Saturday nights, Friendly blonde with very fair skin.
Alana
, Attractive Busty English “very nice” NEW
Alicia, mostly days, busty Aussie, likes to wear sexy themed outfits - Affectionate.!
Amanda, Young blonde Aussie chick
Ami, Japanese busty tall
Anna, Slim very attractive Spanish
April, Petite pretty cute Greek – blonde with a neat little body Three Week Holiday
Ashley Blonde busty KIWI
Bianca, mostly nights, Lovely girl – busty curvaceous, exotic looks.
Brenda, Irish with a cheeky personality
Bridgette, Tall busty dark New Zealander. An outstanding looker
Cathy, Dark and exotic attractive Indonesian
Chantal Scottish, size 16 very busty. Young smiley and pretty.
Charlotte Big blonde Aussie
Claudia, VERY Tall German sweet girl
Cleo, Tall slim Thai with exotic eyes – very nice
Desiree, Very pretty Brunette. Only on Weekends.
Elly Slim and sexy brunette.
Erika Japanese petite shy NEW
Gina Brunette Aussie Slim NEW
Heidi Attractive tall beautiful Swedish NEW
Ingrid Slim Curvy Italian quite attractive
Isabelle, Busty Australian black hair
Lilly, Young and slim attractive Indonesian Chinese NEW
Jackie, Dark skinned South American. Very special - Busty
Jade, Chinese slim with glasses NEW
Jane, Japanese sweet and petite
Jordan Brunette Aussie Slim cute and Busty
Josie Busty pretty Asian. Petite yet busty.
June, Attractive black from central Africa NEW
Katrina, French/German pale skin and black hair.
Kelly Sexy Japanese girl with a dancers body. Does Salsa in her spare time. NEW
Lana, Cute shy Philippino
Lee, Very Pretty Philippino NEW
Lilly, Cute young Thai NEW
Lucy, Slightly older Korean NEW does professional massage
Mandy, mostly days, American very popular and vivacious.
Martina Busty Japanese sweet and petite NEW
Melanie, Prettiest big bust in Australia on the prettiest little cute girl.
Meissa, Small personable Aussie brunette.
Mia Tall slim Maori New Zealander Italian looking model material
Monica, Aussie, slightly older, good body and friendly.
Naomi, Young and slim attractive Indonesian - NEW
Natalie, mostly days, wonderfully friendly Thai
Olivia, Blonde, sweet English rose.
Paris, Very, very slim and quite young.
Raquel, Busty Czech Very good professional massage!!
Roxy, Toned Tall and Slim. English Blonde.
Ruby, ruby red hair Aussie busty attractive NEW
Sabrina, very, very, very busty European redhead.
Samantha, Tall young Aussie Blonde
Sandy, Japanese sweet and petite
Stephanie, Slim tall Aussie  NEW
Suzy, Cute Chinese – very good massage and repeat clients.
Sylvia, Curvy South American quite attractive
Valerie, mostly nights, Malaysian good massage
Valeska, Slim Gothic. Popular.
Vanessa: Really! very attractive! Busty, brown hair.
Yasmin, Slim tall Thai
Yvette, Tall busty platinum blonde Aussie NEW

Little KENNY Jokes:
Little KENNY was sitting in class one day.
All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom.
He yelled out, ‘Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!’
The teacher replied, ‘Now, KENNY, that is NOT the proper word to use
in this situation. The correct word you want to use is ‘urinate.’
Please use the word ‘ur-i-nate’ in a sentence correctly, and I will
allow you to go.’
Little KENNY, thinks for a bit, and then says, ‘My father says you’re an
eight, but if you had bigger boobs, you’d be a TEN!’

One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
show of hands from those who could use the word ‘beautiful’ in the
same sentence twice. First, she called on little Suzie, who responded
with, ‘My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked
beautiful in it.’ ‘Very good, Suzie,’ replied the teacher. She then called
on little Michael. ‘My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned
out beautifully.’ She said, ‘Excellent, Michael!’
Then the teacher reluctantly called on little KENNY. ‘Last night at the
dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he
said ‘Beautiful, just f*ck!ng… beautiful!”

Little KENNY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
said, ‘Son, you know eating all that candy isn’t good for you. It will give
you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat.’ Little KENNY replied,
‘My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.’ The man asked, ‘Did your
grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?’ Little KENNY answered,
‘No, he minded his own f*ck!ng business.

Bits and Pieces:
Superman was flying over to Wonderwoman`s apartment and he
saw her naked on the bed with her legs open. He thought to himself:
I`m faster than a speeding bullet. I could be in there, have sex and
be out again before she knew what was happening. So Superman
did his superthing in a split second and flew off happily. Meanwhile
on the bed, Wonderwoman said: “Did you hear something?”
“No!” said the Invisible Man,… “but my ass hurts like hell”

Spell out the word shop:        S.     H.     O.     P.
Then answer the question:
What do you do when you get to a green light?

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married.
The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.

A set of jumper leads walk into a bar.
The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”

Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other:
“Does this taste funny to you ?”

Sunday Morning Sex:
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away,
Katie went straight to her grandparent’s house to visit her 95 year-old
grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had
died, her grandmother replied, “He had a heart attack while we were
making love on Sunday morning.” Horrified, Katie told her grandmother
that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking
for trouble. “Oh no, my dear,” replied granny. “Many years ago, realizing
our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the
church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and
slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on
the Dong.” She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, “He’d still be
alive if the ice cream truck hadn’t come along.”

The Movie Theatre:
A FARMER DECIDED HE WANTED TO GO TO TOWN AND
SEE A MOVIE. THE TICKET AGENT ASKED, “SIR, WHAT’S
THAT ON YOUR SHOULDER?” THE OLD FARMER SAID,
“THAT’S MY PET ROOSTER CHUCK. WHEREVER I GO,
CHUCK GOES.” THE TICKET AGENT SAID, “I’M SORRY
SIR, WE CAN’T ALLOW ANIMALS IN THE THEATRE.”
THE OLD FARMER WENT AROUND THE CORNER AND
STUFFED CHUCK DOWN HIS OVERALLS. HE RETURNED
TO THE BOOTH, BOUGHT A TICKET, AND ENTERED THE
THEATRE. HE SAT DOWN NEXT TO TWO OLD WIDOWS
NAMED MILDRED AND MARGE. THE MOVIE STARTED
AND THE ROOSTER BEGAN TO SQUIRM. THE OLD FARMER
UNBUTTONED HIS FLY SO CHUCK COULD STICK HIS HEAD
OUT AND WATCH THE MOVIE. “MARGE,” WHISPERED
MILDRED. “WHAT?” SAID MARGE. “I THINK THE GUY NEXT
TO ME IS A PERVERT.” “WHAT MAKES YOU THINK SO?”
ASKED MARGE? “HE UNDID HIS PANTS AND HE HAS HIS
THING OUT”, WHISPERED MILDRED. “WELL, DON’T WORRY
ABOUT IT”, SAID MARGE.. “AT OUR AGE WE’VE SEEN ‘EM
ALL.” “I THOUGHT SO TOO”, SAID MILDRED,
“BUT THIS ONE’S EATIN’ MY POPCORN!”

Sunday Stuff:
The Minister asked, “How many of you have forgiven your enemies?”
Many held up their hands. The Minister repeated his question and they
all responded this time, except one small elderly lady. “Mrs. Neely, are
you not willing to forgive your enemies?” “I don’t have any.” She replied,
smiling sweetly. “Mrs. Neely, that is very unusual. How old are you?”
“Ninety-eight,” She replied. “Mrs. Neely, would you please come down in
front and tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years and not have
an enemy in the world?” The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the
aisle. Faced the congregation, she said: I’ve outlived the bitches.”

regards

Big John

The winner of the double massage last week was: Green A 58 and this week was: Blue A 19

March 3rd, 2010
Hi Everyone

The winner of the double massage last week was: Green A 58
and this week was: Blue A 19

See all the winning results at:   http://www.kingscourt.com.au/win.php

The Trouble and Strife:
A KIWI walks into the bedroom with a sheep on a leash and says…
“Honey, this is the cow I make love to when you have a headache.”
The wife, lying in the bed reading a book, looks up and says,
“If you weren’t such an idiot, you’d know that’s a sheep, not a cow.”
The guy replies, “If you weren’t such a presumptuous bitch,
You’d realize I was talking to the sheep.”

WTF:
I’ve just found out I can still have sex at 72!
I am so happy because I live at 35,
so it’s not too far to walk home . . .

The Kings Court Massage “Whole List” refreshed on Wed 03.03.2010
Asian ladies have been added in green .
We have started a number of very shy Japanese girls.
Abigail
, mostly Friday and Saturday nights, Friendly blonde with very fair skin.
Alana, Attractive Busty English “very nice” NEW
Alicia, mostly days, busty Aussie, likes to wear sexy themed outfits - Affectionate.!
Amanda, Young blonde Aussie chick
Ami, Japanese busty tall
Anna, Slim very attractive Spanish
April, Petite pretty cute Greek – blonde with a neat little body Three Week Holiday
Ashley Blonde busty KIWI
Bianca, mostly nights, Lovely girl – busty curvaceous, exotic looks.
Brenda, Irish with a cheeky personality
Bridgette, Tall busty dark New Zealander. An outstanding looker
Cathy, Dark and exotic attractive Indonesian
Chantal Scottish, size 16 very busty. Young smiley and pretty.
Charlotte Big blonde Aussie NEW
Claudia, VERY Tall German sweet girl is back from holidays.
Cleo, Tall slim Thai with exotic eyes – very nice
Desiree, Very pretty Brunette. Only on Weekends.
Elly Slim and sexy brunette.
Erika Japanese petite shy NEW
Gina Brunette Aussie Slim NEW
Heidi Blonde Aussie very young and pretty NEW
Ingrid Slim Curvy Italian quite attractive
Isabelle, Busty Australian has restarted.
Lilly, Young and slim attractive Indonesian Chinese NEW
Jackie, Dark skinned South American. Very special - Busty
Jane, Japanese sweet and petite
Jordan Brunette Aussie Slim
Josie Busty pretty Asian. Petite yet busty.
Katrina, French/German pale skin and black hair.
Kelly Sexy Japanese girl with a dancers body. Does Salsa in her spare time. NEW
Lana, Cute shy Philippino
Mandy, mostly days, American very popular and vivacious.
Martina Busty Japanese sweet and petite NEW
Melanie, Prettiest big bust in Australia on the prettiest little cute girl.
Mia Tall slim Maori New Zealander Italian looking model material
Monica, Aussie, slightly older, good body and friendly.
Naomi, Young and slim attractive Indonesian - NEW
Natalie, mostly days, wonderfully friendly Thai
Natasha, curvy brunette Turkish
Nina, 9am Saturday only, soft mild mannered, very popular Thai - On a three month holiday!
Olivia, Blonde, sweet English rose.
Paris, Very, very slim and quite young.
Raquel, Busty Czech Very good at massage!!
Roxy, Toned Tall and Slim. English Blonde.
Sabrina, very, very, very busty European redhead.
Samantha, Tall young Aussie Blonde
Sandy, Japanese sweet and petite
Suzy, Cute Chinese – very good massage and repeat clients.
Sylvia, Curvy South American quite attractive
Valerie, mostly nights, Malaysian good massage
Valeska, Slim Gothic. Popular.
Vanessa: Really! very attractive! Busty, brown hair.
Yasmin, Slim tall Thai
Yvette, Tall busty platinum blonde Aussie NEW

Some Tiger Woods golf bits:
Did you hear that tiger has a new movie coming out?
yes, its called crouching tiger hidden hydrant

When asked how many times she hit him his wife replied
“woo i dunno could have been 7, not sure….put me down for 5″

Tiger Woods is looking for a new driver…..

Bits and Pieces:

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.”
Albert Einstein

If you have it [Love], you don’t need to have anything else, and
if you don’t have it, it doesn’t matter much what else you have.
Sir James M. Barrie

True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights.
If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
Erich Segal


Two blondes walk into a building…
you’d think one of them would have seen it.

Phone answering machine message…
If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key.

A man drowned in a bowl of muesli…
A strong currant pulled him in.

I can’t stop singing “The Green, Green Grass of Home”
That sounds like the “Tom Jones syndrome.”
“Is it common?”
“It’s not unusual…”

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

My Neighbours ——- the lesbians next door ——– asked me what I
would like for my birthday. I was quite surprised when they gave me
a Rolex. It was very nice of them, but I think they misunderstood me
when I said, “I wanna watch.”

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the
same tune?  Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Blonde at the Doctor’s Office:
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor’s  office  and said that
her body hurt wherever she touched  it.
“Impossible!” says the doctor. “Show me.”
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast and screamed,
then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her
knee and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, “You’re not  really a redhead, are you?
“Well, no” she said, “I’m actually a blonde.”
“I thought so,” the doctor said. “Your finger is broken”.

More exchanges between pilots and control towers:
Tower: ‘TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees.’
TWA 2341: ‘Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?’
Tower: ‘Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?’

From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: ‘I’m f…ing bored!’
Ground Traffic Control: ‘Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!’
Unknown aircraft: ‘I said I was f…ing bored, not f…ing stupid!’

A clever bricklayer’s accident report, which everyone vows is true:
I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block 3 of the
accident report form. I put “Poor planning” as the cause of my accident. You asked
for a fuller explanation and I trust the  following details will be sufficient. I am a
bricklayer by trade. On the  day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of
a new 6-storey building. When I completed my work, I found I had some bricks left
over, which, when weighed later were found to be slightly in excess of  500lbs.
Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to  lower them in a barrel by
using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building on the sixth floor.
Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and
loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to
ensure a slow descent of the bricks. You will note in Block 11 of the accident report
form that I weigh 135lbs. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so
suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to
say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the 3rd
floor, I met the barrel which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive
speed. This explains the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collarbone,
as listed in Section 3 of the accident report form. Slowed only slightly, I continued
my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were 2 knuckles deep
into the pulley. Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was
able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of the excruciating pain I was now beginning
to experience. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the
ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks,
that barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer you again to my weight. As you
might imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the building. In the vicinity
of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured
ankles, broken tooth and severe lacerations of my  legs and lower body. Here my
luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me
enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only
3 vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile
of bricks, in pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind
and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back
down onto me. This explains the two broken legs. I hope this answers your inquiry.

regards

Big John

Erotic Massage Up For Grabs At Kings Court

February 3rd, 2010
Hi Everyone

The winner of the double massage was: Blue A 14
See all the winning results at:   http://www.kingscourt.com.au/win.php

This is worth the read despite its length:
Local and state police scoured the hills outside rural Johnstown,
Pennsylvania, after reports of three animal rights activists going
missing after attempting to protest the wearing of leather at a large
motorcycle gang rally. Two others, previously reported missing,
were discovered by fast food workers “duct taped inside several
fast food restaurant dumpsters,” according to police officials.
“Something just went wrong,” said a still visibly shaken organizer
of the protest. “Something just went horribly, horribly, wrong.”
The organizer said a group of concerned animal rights activist groups,
“growing tired of throwing fake blood and shouting profanities at
older women wearing leather or fur coats,” decided to protest the
annual motorcycle club event “in a hope to show them our outrage at
their wanton use of leather in their clothing and motor bike seats.”
“In fact,” said the organizer, “motorcycle gangs are one of the
biggest abusers of wearing leather, and we decided it was high time
that we let them know that we disagree with them using it…ergo, they
should stop.” According to witnesses, protesters arrived at the event in
a vintage 1960’s era Volkswagen van and began to pelt the gang
members with balloons filled with red coloured water, simulating blood,
and shouting “you’re murderers” to passers by. This, evidently, is when
the brouhaha began. “They peed on me!!!” charged one activist. “They
grabbed me, said I looked like I was French, started calling me
‘La Trene’, and duct taped me to a tree so they could pee on me all
day!” Another activist said, “I…I was trying to show my outrage at a
man with a heavy leather jacket, and he…he didn’t even care. I called
him a murderer, and all he said was, ‘You can’t prove that.’ Next thing
I know he forced me to ride on the back of his motorcycle all day, and
would not let me off, because his girl friend was out of town and he said
he thought I was almost a woman.”
Still others claimed they were forced to eat hamburgers and hot dogs
under duress. Those who resisted were allegedly held down while
several bikers “farted on their heads.”
Police officials declined comments on any leads or arrests due to the
ongoing nature of the investigation, however, organizers for the
motorcycle club rally expressed “surprise” at the allegations.
“That’s preposterous,” said one high-ranking member of the biker
organizing committee. “We were having a party, and these people
showed up and were very rude to us. They threw things at us, called
us names, and tried to ruin the entire event. So, what did we do? We
invited them to the party! What could be more friendly than that? You
know, just because we are all members of motorcycle clubs does not
mean we do not care about inclusiveness. Personally, I think it shows
a lack of character for them to be saying such nasty things about us
after we bent over backwards to make them feel welcome.”
When confronted with the allegations of force-feeding the activists
meat, using them as ad hoc latrines, leaving them incapacitated in
fast food restaurant dumpsters, and ‘farting on their heads,’ the
organizer would only comment. “That’s just our way of being friendly.”

The Kings Court Massage “Whole List” refreshed on Wed 03.02.10
Abigail
, mostly Friday and Saturday nights, Friendly blonde with very fair skin.
Alana, Attractive Busty English “very nice” NEW
Alex, Attractive Russian
Alicia, mostly days, busty Aussie, likes to wear sexy themed outfits - Affectionate.!
Amanda, Young blonde Aussie chick
Ami, Japanese busty tall
Anna, Slim very attractive Spanish
April, Petite pretty cute Greek – blonde with a neat little body
Ashley Blonde busty KIWI
Bianca, mostly nights, Lovely girl – busty curvaceous, exotic looks.
Brenda, Irish with a cheeky personality
Bridgette, Tall busty dark New Zealander. An outstanding looker
Cathy, Dark and exotic attractive Indonesian
Chantal Scottish, size 16 very busty. Young smiley and pretty.
Claudia, VERY Tall German sweet girl is back from holidays.
Cleo, Tall slim Thai with exotic eyes – very nice
Courtney, Busty pretty Ausie
Desiree, Very pretty Brunette. Only on Weekends.
Elly Slim and sexy brunette.
Faith, Busty Indian looking
Isabelle, Slim Curvy Italian quite attractive
Jackie, Dark skinned South American. Very special - Busty
Jade, Busty Japanese sweet and petite
Jane, Japanese sweet and petite Holiday
Katrina, French/German pale skin and black hair.
Lana, Cute shy Philippino
Mandy, mostly days, American BLONDE TEXAS BOMBSHELL, very popular and vivacious.
Martina Busty Japanese sweet and petite NEW
Melanie, Prettiest big bust in Australia on the prettiest little cute girl.
Mellisa mostly nights, Malaysian, friendly, good massage - gets repeat bookings
Monica, Aussie, slightly older, good body and friendly.
Natalie, mostly days, wonderfully friendly Thai
Nina, 9am Saturday only, soft mild mannered, very popular On a three month holiday!
Olivia, Blonde, sweet English rose.
Paris, Very, very slim and quite young.
Raquel, Busty Czech Very good at massage!!
Renee, mostly nights, slim blonde
Roxy, Very popular blonde slim Aussie
Sabrina, very, very, very busty European redhead.
Samantha, Tall young Aussie Blonde
Sandy, Japanese sweet and petite NEW
Suzy, Cute Chinese – very good massage and repeat clients.
Sylvia, Curvy South American quite attractive
Tina, Thai very easy to book – friend of Natalie
Valerie, mostly nights, Malaysian good massage
Valeska, Slim Gothic. Popular.
Vanessa: Really! very attractive! Busty, brown hair.
Yasmin, Slim tall Thai
Zoe, mostly days, perky and very, very pretty. Qualified masseuse who is very sensual.

Check out the new pictures of sexy girls (not from Kings Court) on this page:
http://www.kingscourt.com.au/gallery_danni.php

Irish Catholic Humour:
The priest in a small Irish village loved the rooster and ten hens he kept
in the hen house behind the church. One Sunday morning, before mass,
he went to feed the birds and discovered that the cock was missing.
He knew about cock fights in the village, so he questioned his
parishioners in church. During mass, he asked the congregation, “Has
anybody got a cock?” All the men stood up. “No, no,” he said, “that wasn’t
what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?” All the women stood up.
“No, no,” he said, “that wasn’t what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock
that doesn’t belong to them?” Half the women stood up. “No, no,” he said,
“that wasn’t what I meant. Has anybody seen MY cock?”
Sixteen altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up.

Satanic Humour:
A few minutes before the church services started,
the congregation was sitting in their pews, talking.
Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.
Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance,
trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman
who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious
to the fact that God’s ultimate enemy was in his presence..
So Satan walked up to the man and said, ‘Do you know who I am?’
The man replied, ‘Yep, sure do.’
‘Aren’t you afraid of me?’ Satan asked.
‘Nope, sure ain’t.’ said the man.
‘Don’t you realize I can kill you with one word?’ asked Satan.
‘Don’t doubt it for a minute,’ returned the old man, in an even tone.
‘Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying AGONY for
all eternity?’ persisted Satan.
‘Yep,’ was the calm reply.
‘And you are still not afraid?’ asked Satan.
‘Nope,’ said the old man
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, ‘Why aren’t you afraid of me?’
The man calmly replied,
‘Been married to your sister for 54 years.’

A lengthy comment on the state of America’s war on drugs:
After 40 years of defeat and failure, America’s “war on drugs” is being buried
in the same fashion as it was born – amid bloodshed, confusion, corruption
and scandal. US agents are being pulled from South America; Washington is
putting its narcotics policy under review, and a newly confident region is no
longer prepared to swallow its fatal Prohibition error.
Indeed, after the expenditure of billions of dollars and the violent deaths of
tens of thousands of people, a suitable epitaph for America’s longest “war”
may well be the plan, in Bolivia, for every family to be given the right to grow
coca in its own backyard. The “war,” declared unilaterally throughout the world
by Richard Nixon in 1969, is expiring as its strategists start discarding plans
that have proved futile over four decades: they are preparing to withdraw their
agents from narcotics battlefields from Colombia to Afghanistan and beginning
to coach them in the art of trumpeting victory and melting away into anonymous
defeat. Not surprisingly, the new strategy is being gingerly aired in the media
of the US establishment, from The Wall Street Journal to the Miami Herald.
Prospects in the new decade are thus opening up for vast amounts of useless
government expenditure being reassigned to the treatment of addicts instead of
their capture and imprisonment. And, no less important, the ever-expanding
balloon of corruption that the “war” has brought to heads of government, armies
and police forces wherever it has been waged may slowly start to deflate.
Prepare to shed a tear over the loss of revenue that eventual decriminalisation
of narcotics could bring to the traffickers, large and small, and to the contractors
who have been making good money building and running the new prisons that
help to bankrupt governments – in the US in particular, where drug offenders –
principally small retailers and seldom the rich and important wholesalers – have
helped to push the prison population to 1,600,000; their imprisonment is already
straining federal and state budgets. In Mississippi, where drug offenders once
had to serve 85 per cent of their sentences, they are now being required to serve
less than a quarter. California has been ordered to release 40,000 inmates
because its prisons are hugely overcrowded.
At the same time, some in the US are confused and fear that the new commission
proposed by Congressman Eliot Engel, a man with a record of hostility to the
Cuban and Venezuelan governments, may prove to be a broken reed. As he
brought in his bill he added timidly: “Let me be absolutely clear that this bill has
not been introduced to support the legalisation of illegal drugs. That is not
something that I would like to see.”
Part of the reason for the slow US retreat from the “war” is that the strategy of
fighting it in foreign lands and not at home has proved valueless. Along the already
sensitive frontier with Mexico the effect of US attempts to enforce a hard line by
blasting drug dealers away has been bloody. Anxious to keep in check the flood
of illegal immigrants into territory that once belonged to Mexico, Washington is
building a wall and fence comparable to that which once cut through Berlin and
that which is today causing havoc between Israelis and Palestinians.
In the areas of Mexico closest to the US frontier the toll of deaths in drug-related
violence exceeded 7,000 people in 2009 (1,000 of them dying in January and
February). This takes the death toll over three years to above 16,000, figures far
in excess of US fatalities in Afghanistan. The bloodshed has continued despite –
or perhaps because of – the intense US pressure on President Felipe Calderon
to station a large part of the Mexican army in the region. It is deploying 49,000
men on its own soil in the campaign against drugs, a larger force than the 46,000
Britain sent to take part in the initial invasion of Iraq in 2003. But still the blood flows.
As in Colombia, where a multibillion-dollar US subsidy maintains that country’s
armed forces, there are well-founded suspicions that military operations are often
rendered futile because the miserably paid local commanders and individual
soldiers are easily bought off by drug dealers. The quiet expiry of the “war” has
dawned slowly on a world focused on the US’s more palpable conflicts in
Afghanistan and Iraq. Last month, the US House of Representatives gave
unanimous approval to a bill creating an independent commission to reconsider
domestic and international drug policies and suggest better ones. Congressman
Engel, a Democrat from the Bronx and the sponsor of the bill, declared: “Billions
upon billions of US taxpayer dollars have been spent over the years to combat
the drug trade in Latin America and the Caribbean. In spite of our efforts, the
positive results are few and far between.”
As far back as last May, Gil Kerlikowske, the former police chief of Seattle who
was named head of the US Office of National Drug Control Policy and thus
boss of the campaign, announced he would not be using the term “war on
drugs” any more. A few weeks earlier, former Latin American presidents of
the centre and right – Fernando Henrique Cardoso of Brazil, Ernesto Zedillo
of Mexico and Cesar Gaviria of Colombia – had told the new US President
that the “war” had failed and appealed for greater emphasis on cutting drug
consumption and the decriminalisation of cannabis.
For the lives and sanity of millions, the seeing of the light is decidedly late.
The conditions of the 1920s, when the US Congress outlawed alcohol and
allowed Al Capone and his kin to make massive fortunes, have been
re-created up and down Latin America.
Mexico’s President has not been afraid to point out to Washington that official
corruption is at the root of drug trafficking in the US just as it is in Mexico.
“I say we should investigate on both sides. I’m cleaning my house and I hope
that on the other side as well the house is being cleaned,” he said pointedly
last April before President Obama came visiting.
Furthermore, President Calderon says that lax gun control laws in the US
caused an influx of firearms into Mexico. He has declared that 90 per cent
of the 30,000 weapons that government forces seized from drug dealers in
Mexico came from north of the border. For their part, the Latin Americans,
under a new generation of more self-confident leaders, are tired of being
hectored about their failings by the US, the world’s principal source of
cannabis whose agents continue the drug dealing they indulged in
during the Iran-Contra affair of the Reagan years.
Evidence points to aircraft – familiarly known as “torture taxis” – used by
the CIA to move captives seized in its kidnapping or “extraordinary rendition”
operations through Gatwick and other airports in the EU being simultaneously
used for drug distribution in the Western hemisphere. A Gulfstream II jet
aircraft N9875A identified by the British Government and the European
Parliament as being involved in this traffic crashed in Mexico in September
2008 while en route from Colombia to the US with a load of more than three
tons of cocaine. In 2004, another torture taxi crashed in a field in Nicaragua
with a ton of cocaine aboard. It had been identified by Britain and the
European Parliament’s temporary committee on the alleged use of European
countries by the CIA for the transport and illegal detention of prisoners as a
frequent visitor in 2004 and 2005 to British, Cypriot, Czech, German, Greek,
Hungarian, Spanish and other European cities with its cargo of captives for
secret imprisonment and torture in Iraq, Jordan and Azerbaijan.
Given the circumstances, it is unremarkable that US strictures are being
politely ignored. President Evo Morales of Bolivia – criticised by the US
for defending Bolivians’ practice of chewing coca leaves to assuage hunger
and altitude sickness – wants to allow every Bolivian family around the city
of Cochabamba to cultivate coca bushes for their own use. He also wants
to export coca leaves to his country’s neighbours. Mr Morales’s authority,
recently reinforced by winning a second presidential term in fair elections
and by a strengthening of Bolivia’s economy, has no need to worry about
US criticism. Venezuela and Bolivia have expelled US narcotics officers
from their territory. At the end of last month, President Rafael Correa of
Ecuador ended Washington’s lease of a large air base on the Pacific from
where US aircraft were engaged in the struggle against the region’s
increasingly powerful left. This year should be the year that common sense
vanquishes the mailed fist in an un-winnable war against an invisible enemy.

regards

Big John

Kings Court - Last Wednesday Result!

January 6th, 2010
Hi Everyone

The winner of the double massage last Wed was: ORANGE B 07
See all the winning results at:   http://www.kingscourt.com.au/win.php

WE ARE ABOUT TO REMOVE THE CHRISTMAS PICS FROM THE FRONT PAGE OF THE
WEB SITE – There are some cute, sexy and Christmassy pics for your enjoyment!!!

I have added quite a few new pictures of sexy girls (in pink not from Kings Court) on the following page:
http://www.kingscourt.com.au/gallery_danni.php

The Simpsons Intro - in Estonia:
http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/1UhpCi/www.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3Dn_xEHUKvIkE

Great Advertising on a Bus – in Copenhagen:
http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/17erRa/adsoftheworld.com/media/ambient/copenhagen_zoo_snake_bus

Very Disturbing: Created by Rodrigo Blaas - a fantastically frightening and an incredibly disturbing short animation:
http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/1jwbLL/geektyrant.com/news/2009/12/21/must-watch-fantastically-frightening-holiday-short-film-alma.html

Countries of the World:
http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/5nU2f4/www.dailymotion.com/video/xoy2o_the-nations-of-the-world_fun

Irish Politics:
Young O’Donnell rushed into a church, placed his rifle under a pew and entered the confessional.
“Father,” he said breathlessly, “I’ve just shot down two British lieutenants!”
Hearing no response he went on: “I also knocked off a British captain!”
When there was still no response from the priest, O’Donnell said, “Father, have ye fainted?”
“Of course I haven’t fainted,” replied the confessor. “I’m waitin’ for you to stop talkin’ politics
and commence confessin’ your sins!”

Irish Career Choice:
Sister Brigid was teaching her young students one day and she asked each of them what they
would like to be when they grew up. She came to a little girl who responded, “When I grow up
I wants to be a prostitute.” Shocked, the good Sister Brigid fainted on the spot. Her students
rushed to revive her. When she came around, Sister asked the little girl, “What did you say you
wanted to be when you grew up?” The little girl replied, “A prostitute.”
“Oh thank goodness,” the relieved nun replied “I thought you said a Protestant.”

The Kings Court Massage “Whole List” refreshed on Mon 04.01.10
I have to say this is one of the best lists we have had in a long time.
I have done some special advertising to get some Japanese girls
and we have about four right now.
Abigail
, mostly Friday and Saturday nights, Friendly blonde with very fair skin.
Alicia
, mostly days, busty Aussie, likes to wear sexy themed outfits - Affectionate.!
Amanda, Young blonde Aussie chick NEW
Ami, Japanese busty tall
Anna, Slim very attractive Spanish
April, Petite pretty cute Greek – blonde with a neat little body NEW
Bianca, mostly nights, Lovely girl – busty curvaceous, exotic looks.
Bridgette, Tall busty dark New Zealander. An outstanding looker. NEW
Carmen, Tall and friendly Aussie.
Cathy, Dark and exotic attractive Indonesian NEW
Chantal Scottish, size 16 very busty. Young smiley and pretty.
Claudia, VERY Tall German sweet girl is back from holidays.
Cleo, Tall slim Thai with exotic eyes – very nice NEW
Crystal, Busty Brazilian.
Desiree, Very pretty Brunette. Only on Weekends.
Elly, Slim and sexy brunette.
Eve, Cute intelligent with a great little body.
Faith, Busty Indian looking holidays until Jan 6th 2010
Hannah, mostly nights, also very shy and sweet, Aussie
Holly, Busty Aussie chick 18 years old  NEW.
Jackie, Dark skinned South American  Holidays until January 11th 2010
Jade, Japanese sweet and petite NEW
Jane, Japanese sweet and petite NEW
Jessica, mostly nights, Chinese, very good massage
Katrina, French/German pale skin and black hair.
Lana, Cute shy Philippino
Lilly, Japanese sweet and petite NEW
Mandy, mostly days, American BLONDE TEXAS BOMBSHELL, very popular and vivacious.
Mariella, Mostly days, South American beauty. Nice personality. Usually only on Friday days.
Melanie, Prettiest big bust in Australia on the prettiest little cute girl.
Mellisa, mostly nights, Malaysian, friendly, good massage - gets repeat bookings
Monica, Aussie, slightly older, good body and friendly.
Nadia, very cute busty thai lady
Natalie, mostly days, wonderfully friendly Thai
Nina, 9am Saturday only, soft mild mannered, very popular
Olivia, Blonde, sweet English rose.
Paris, Very, very slim and quite young.
Raquel, Busty Czech  NEW. Very good at massage!!
Renee, mostly nights, slim blonde
Roxy, Very popular blonde slim Aussie
Ruby, mostly nights, very busty European
Sabrina, very, very, very busty European redhead.
Samantha, Tall young Aussie Blonde NEW
Sandy, Japanese sweet and petite NEW
Suzy, Cute shy Chinese – very good massage and repeat clients.
Tina, Thai very easy to book – friend of Natalie - on holidays til January
Valerie, mostly nights, Malaysian good massage
Valeska, Slim Gothic. Popular.
Vanessa: Really! very attractive! Busty, brown hair.
Vivian, mostly days Aussie spiked hair, wild and very funny in the spa.
Yasmin, Slim tall Thai NEW
Yvette, Very Curvy Blonde RESTART
Zoe, mostly days, perky and very, very pretty. Qualified masseuse who is very sensual.

Joke on a Racist:
A South African visited the famous Bondi Beach, Australia.
He spotted a long line of black dots out in the water and said
to an Aussie, “What are all those little black things out there?”
“They’re buoys,” said the Aussie.
“Boys?!” he replied, “What are they doing out there?”
“Holding up the shark nets,” the Aussie told him.
“Fokken great country this!” said the South African, deeply
impressed. “We’d never get away with that back home!”

Blonde:
A blonde gets a job as a teacher. She notices a boy in the field
standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having
fun. She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.
“You ok?” she says.
“Yes.” he says.
“You can go and play with the other kids you know,” she says.
“It’s best I stay here,” he says.
“Why?” says the blonde.
The boy says: “Because I’m the f*cking goal keeper”

Those Crazy Americans:
An Alabama preacher said to his congregation, “Someone in this
congregation has spread a rumour that I belong to the Ku Klux
Klan…This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community
cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this.
Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from
God and this Christian Family.” No one moved. The preacher continued,
“Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood?
Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory.
Now stand and confess your transgression.” Again all was quiet.
Then slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous woman with a body that would
stop traffic rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice
quivered as she spoke:
“Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you
were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends
that you were a wizard under the sheets.”

regards

Big John

The winner of the double massage this week is: Blue B-25

December 16th, 2009

Hi Everyone

The winner of the double massage this week is: Blue B-25
See all the winning results at:   http://www.kingscourt.com.au/win.php

Christmas is here – don’t forget to reward yourself !!!!!!

The Kings Court Massage “Whole List” refreshed on Wed 15.12.09
Abigail
, mostly Friday and Saturday nights, Friendly blonde with very fair skin.
Alicia
, mostly days, busty Aussie, likes to wear sexy themed outfits - Affectionate.!
Amanda, Young blonde Aussie chick NEW
Ami, Japanese busty tall
Anna, Slim very attractive Spanish
April, Petite pretty cute Greek – blonde with a neat little body NEW
Bianca, mostly nights, Lovely girl – busty curvaceous, exotic looks.
Bonny, Pretty blonde half Russian only on Tuesday days.
Carmen, Tall and friendly Aussie.
Cathy, Dark and exotic attractive Indonesian NEW
Chantal Scottish, size 16 very busty. Young smiley and pretty.
Claudia, VERY Tall German sweet girl is back from holidays.
Cleo, Tall slim Thai with exotic eyes – very nice NEW
Crystal, Busty Brazilian.
Desiree, Very pretty Brunette. Only on Weekends.
Elly, Slim and sexy brunette.
Erika, Japanese sweet a cute NEW
Eve, Cute intelligent with a great little body.
Faith, Busty Indian looking holidays until Jan 4th 2010
Hannah, mostly nights, also very shy and sweet, Aussie
Heidi, Beautiful Aussie chick  NEW.
Holly, Busty Aussie chick  NEW.
Ingrid, busty size 10 – 12 redhead, friendly
Jackie, Dark skinned South American  Holidays until January 11th 2010
Jade, Japanese sweet and petite NEW
Jane, Japanese sweet and petite NEW
Jessica, mostly nights, Chinese, very good massage
Josie, Busty Indonesian. Petite girl.
Julie, Busty pretty Japenese
Katrina, French/German pale skin and black hair.
Lana, Cute shy Philippino
Lilly, Japanese sweet and petite NEW
Mandy, mostly days, American BLONDE TEXAS BOMBSHELL, very popular and vivacious.
Mariella, Mostly days, South American beauty. Nice personality. Usually only on Friday days.
Mellisa, mostly nights, Malaysian, friendly, good massage - gets repeat bookings
Mia, Aussie with Vietnamese features away until January
Monica, Aussie, slightly older, good body and friendly.
Nadia, very cute busty thai lady
Natalie, mostly days, wonderfully friendly Thai
Natasha, IS BACK very pretty busty Turkish-Australian lady
Nina, 9am Saturday only, soft mild mannered, very popular
Olivia, Blonde, sweet English rose.
Paris, Very, very slim and quite young.
Raquel, Busty Czech  NEW. Very good at massage!!
Renee, mostly nights, slim blonde
Roxy, Very popular blonde slim Aussie
Ruby, mostly nights, very busty European
Sabrina, very, very, very busty European redhead.
Samantha, Tall young Aussie Blonde NEW
Suzy, Cute shy Chinese – very good massage and repeat clients.
Sylvia, Curvy South American quite attractive
Tina, Thai very easy to book – friend of Natalie - on holidays til January
Valerie, mostly nights, Malaysian good massage
Valeska, Slim Gothic. Popular.
Vanessa: Really! very attractive! Busty, brown hair.
Vivian, mostly days Aussie spiked hair, wild and very funny in the spa.
Yasmin, Slim tall Thai NEW
Zoe, mostly days, perky and very, very pretty. Qualified masseuse who is very sensual.

Hooker in Las Vegas:
A guy  is walking the strip in Las Vegas and a fantastic-looking Vegas hooker
catches his eye. He strikes up a conversation and eventually asks the  hooker,
“How much  do you charge?”
The Hooker replies, “It starts at $500 for a hand-job.”
The guy says, “$500  dollars! For a hand-job!
Holy  crap! No hand-job is worth that kind of money!”
The  hooker says, “Do you see  that Denny’s on the corner?”
“Yes.”
“Do  you see the Denny’s about a block further down?”
“Yes.”
“And  beyond that, do you see that third Denny’s?”
“Yes.”
“Well,”  says the hooker, smiling invitingly, “I own those.
And I own them because I give a hand-job that’s worth $500.”
So the guy says, “What the  hell? You only live once. I’ll give it  a try.”
They retire to a nearby motel. A short time later, the guy is sitting on the bed realising
that he has just experienced the hand-job of a lifetime, worth every bit of $500.
He is so amazed, he says, “I suppose a blow-job is $1,000?”
The  hooker replies, “$1,500.”
“I  wouldn’t pay that for a blow-job!”
The  hooker replies, “Step over here to the window, big boy. Do you see that casino
just across the street? I own that casino outright. And I own it because I give a
blow-job that’s worth every cent of  $1,500.” The guy, basking in the afterglow of that
terrific hand-job, decides to put off the new car for another year or so and says,
“Sign me  up.”
Ten minutes later, he is sitting on the bed more amazed  than before. He can
scarcely believe it but he feels he truly got his money’s worth. He decides to dip into
the retirement savings for one glorious and unforgettable experience.
He asks  the hooker,”How much for some pussy?”
The  hooker says, “Come over here to the window, I want to show you something.
Do you see how the whole  city of Las Vegas is laid out before us:
All those beautiful lights, gambling palaces, and shows?”
“Damn!”the  guy says, in awe, “You own  the whole city?”
“No,”the hooker replies, “but I  would… if I had a pussy.”

Now that story reminds me of a saying I heard just the other day:
All cats look the same in the dark!

Said to be a true story from the USA:
It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding, at the
reception, the groom got up and thanked everyone for coming, many from
long distances, to support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to
thank the bride’s and his family and to thank his new father-in-law for
providing such a lavish reception. As a token of his deep appreciation he
said he  wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him. So taped to
the bottom of everyone’s chair, including the wedding party was an envelope.
He said this was his gift to everyone, and asked them to open their envelope.
Inside each manila envelope was an 8×10 glossy of his bride having sex with
the best man. The groom had become suspicious weeks earlier and had a
private detective to tail them. After just standing there watching the guests’
reactions he turned to the best man and said, ‘F— you!’ Then he turned
To his bride and said, ‘F— you!’ Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd
and  said, ‘I’m outta here.’ He had the marriage annulled the next day.
His revenge was making the bride’s parents pay over $32,000 for a huge
wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the Bride’s’ and best man’s
reputations in  front of their friends and family.

Renault and Ford are working on a new small car for women. They are combining
the Renault Clio and the Ford Taurus and calling it the “Clitaurus.” It comes in pink
and the average male car thief won’t be able to find it.

Comparison of  2 books:
“Titanic” by James Cameron and “My Life” by Bill Clinton

Titanic: Cost - $29.99
Clinton: Cost -  $29.99

Titanic: Over 3 hours to read
Clinton: Over 3 hours to read

Titanic: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton: The  story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.

Titanic: Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton: Bill is a bullshit artist.

Titanic: In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton: Ditto for Bill.

Titanic: During the ordeal, Rose’s dress gets ruined.
Clinton: Ditto for  Monica.

Titanic: Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton: Let’s not go there.

Titanic: Rose gets to keep her jewellery.
Clinton: Monica’s forced to return her gifts.

Titanic: Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life..
Clinton: Clinton doesn’t remember jack.

Titanic: Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton: Monica.. ooh, let’s not go there, either.

Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton : Bill goes home to Hillary - basically the same thing

Bits and Pieces:
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me,
for I may not  follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow.
In fact, just piss off and leave me alone.

Sex is like air.  It’s not that important unless you aren’t getting any.

If you think  nobody cares whether you’re alive or dead, try missing
a  couple of mortgage payments.

If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish,
and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again,
it was probably well worth it.

If you tell the  truth, you don’t have to remember anything.

Some days you are the bug; some days you are the wind screen.

Don’t worry; it  only seems kinky the first time.

Good judgment comes from bad experience…
and most of that comes from bad judgment.

There are two  excellent theories for arguing with women. Neither one works.

Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving.

Experience is  something you don’t get until just after you need it.

regards

Big John

The winner of the double massage this week is: RED C 21

December 9th, 2009
Hi Everyone

The winner of the double massage this week is: RED C 21
See all the winning results at:   http://www.kingscourt.com.au/win.php

Kings Court Party Night Tonight!!!!!!!
Food and nibbles from 6pm and Penthouse Pet Strippers at 8 pm and 10 pm
The best thing is the Male Stripper with the girls. It is hilarious to see how silly
they get when he stirs them up.

The Kings Court Massage “Whole List” refreshed on Thus 9.12.09
Abigail
, mostly Friday and Saturday nights, Friendly blonde with very fair skin.
Alicia
, mostly days, busty Aussie, likes to wear sexy themed outfits - Affectionate.!
Amanda, Young blonde Aussie chick NEW
Ami, Japanese busty tall
Anna, Slim very attractive Spanish
April, Petite pretty cute Greek – blonde with a neat little body NEW
Bianca, mostly nights, Lovely girl – busty curvaceous, exotic looks.
Bonny, Pretty blonde half Russian only on Tuesday days.
Carmen, Tall and friendly Aussie.
Cathy, Dark and exotic attractive Indonesian NEW
Chantal Scottish, size 16 very busty. Young smiley and pretty.
Claudia, VERY Tall German sweet girl is back from holidays.
Cleo, Tall slim Thai with exotic eyes – very nice NEW
Crystal, Busty Brazilian.
Desiree, Very pretty Brunette. Only on Weekends.
Erika, Japanese sweet a cute NEW
Elly, Slim and sexy brunette.
Eve, Cute intelligent with a great little body.
Faith, Busty Indian looking holidays until Jan 4th 2010
Hannah, mostly nights, also very shy and sweet, Aussie
Heidi, Beautiful Aussie chick  NEW.
Holly, Busty Aussie chick  NEW.
Ingrid, busty size 10 – 12 redhead, friendly
Jackie, Dark skinned South American  Holidays until January 11th 2010
Jade, Japanese sweet and petite NEW
Jessica, mostly nights, Chinese, very good massage
Josie, Busty Indonesian. Petite girl.
Julie, Busty pretty Japenese
Katrina, French/German pale skin and black hair.
Lana, Cute shy Philippino
Lara, Japanese sweet and petite NEW
Lilly, Japanese sweet and petite NEW
Mandy, mostly days, American BLONDE TEXAS BOMBSHELL, very popular and vivacious.
Mariella, Mostly days, South American beauty. Nice personality. Usually only on Friday days.
Megan, Very pretty Irish nice figure too. NEW
Mellisa, mostly nights, Malaysian, friendly, good massage - gets repeat bookings
Mia, Aussie with Vietnamese features away until January
Monica, Aussie, slightly older, good body and friendly.
Natalie, mostly days, wonderfully friendly Thai
Nina, 9am Saturday only, soft mild mannered, very popular
Olivia, Blonde, sweet English rose.
Paris, Very, very slim and quite young.
Raquel, Busty Czech  NEW. Very good at massage!!
Renee, mostly nights, slim blonde
Roxy, Very popular blonde slim Aussie
Ruby, mostly nights, very busty European
Sabrina, very, very, very busty European redhead.
Samantha, Tall young Aussie Blonde NEW
Suzy, Cute shy Chinese – very good massage and repeat clients.
Sylvia, Curvy South American quite attractive
Tina, Thai very easy to book – friend of Natalie - on holidays til January
Valerie, mostly nights, Malaysian good massage
Valeska, Slim Gothic. Popular.
Vanessa: Really! very attractive! Busty, brown hair.
Vivian, mostly days Aussie spiked hair, wild and very funny in the spa.
Yasmin, Slim tall Thai NEW
Zoe, mostly days, perky and very, very pretty. Qualified masseuse who is very sensual.

Politics:
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, “What is politics?”
Dad says, “Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I’m the breadwinner
of the family, so let’s call me capitalism. Your Mom, she’s the
administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the government. We’re here to
take care of your needs, so we’ll call you the people. The nanny, we’ll
consider her the working class. And your baby brother, we’ll call him
the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,”
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later
that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.
He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes
to his parents’ room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to
wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room. Finding the door locked, he peeks
in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and
goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, “Dad,
I think I understand the concept of politics now.” The father says, “Good
son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.
“The little boy replies, “Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class,
the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the
Future is in deep shit.”

Second Opinion:
The doctor said, “Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad
news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which
causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates
one hell of a headache… the only way to relieve the pressure is to remove
the testicles.” Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had
anything to live for.  He had no choice but to go under the knife. When he
left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years,
but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked
down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could
make a new beginning and live a new life.  He saw a men’s clothing store
and thought, “That’s what I need… a new suit.’” He entered the shop and
told the salesman, “I’d like a new suit.” The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and
said, “Let’s see… size 44 long.” Joe laughed, “That’s right, how did you know?”
“Been in the business 60 years!” the tailor said. Joe tried on the suit; it fit
perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, “How
about a new shirt?” Joe thought for a moment and then said, “Sure.” The
salesman eyed Joe and said, “Let’s see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.” Joe
was surprised, “That’s right, how did you know?” “Been in the business 60
years.” Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly. Joe walked comfortably
around the shop, and the salesman asked, “How about some new underwear?”
Joe thought for a moment and said, “Sure.” The salesman said, “Let’s see…
size 36.” Joe laughed, “Ah ha! I got you, I’ve worn a size 34 since I was 18
years old.” The salesman shook his head, “You can’t wear a size 34. A size
34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you
one hell of a headache!”

A Large Bic:
There were two golfers on the golf course. One of the men pulled out a cigarette,
and asked his friend for a light. His friend pulls out a 12 inch Bic lighter.  “Woah,
where did you get such a large Bic?”  ”Oh, my genie got it for me.” “Your genie?
You have a genie? Where is he?” “He is in my golf bag.” “Can I see him?” So the
friend looks in the bag and out comes the genie. The man says to the genie; “I am
your master’s best friend. Would you grant me just one wish?” The genie says
“yes, just one wish.” So the man wishes for a million bucks. The genie goes back
in the golf bag without saying a word. Pretty soon, the sky starts to get dark, then
it gets even darker. The man looks up and sees a million ducks. He gets real upset,
and says “what is the matter with your genie? Is he hard of hearing? I said a million
Bucks, not a million Ducks.” “Do you really think I asked for a 12 inch Bic?”

Logical  Vs. Legal:
After having failed his exam in a Student goes and confronts his lecturer  about it.
Student: “Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?”
“Professor: “Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!”
“Student: “Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you Can give me
the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If You however do not
know the answer, I want you give me an “A” for the Exam.”
Professor: “Okay, it’s a deal. So what is the question?”
Student: “What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical,
nor legal?” Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot
give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an “A”,
as agreed. Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the
same  question.
He immediately answers: “Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old
woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 Year old lover, which is
logical, but not legal. The fact that you Have given your wife’s lover an “A”,
although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical.”

Movie Trailer for Avatar:
http://www.apple.com/trailers/fox/avatar/hd/

Trillions - for Intellectuals Only:
http://vimeo.com/7395079

Those Crazy Americans:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RzToNo7A-94&feature=related <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RzToNo7A-94&amp;feature=related>

One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river,
her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared
and asked, “My dear child, why are you crying?” The seamstress
replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed
it to help her husband in making a living for their family. The Lord
dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble set with
sapphires. “Is this your thimble?” the Lord asked. The seamstress
replied, “No.” The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a
golden thimble studded with rubies. “Is this your thimble?” the Lord
asked. Again, the seamstress replied, “No.” The Lord reached down
again and came up with a leather thimble. “Is this your thimble?” the
Lord asked. The seamstress replied, “Yes.” The Lord was pleased with
the woman’s honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the
seamstress went home happy..
Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along
the riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared under
the water. When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her,
“Why are you crying?” “Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!”
The Lord went down into the water and came up with George Clooney.
“Is this your husband? The Lord asked. “Yes,” cried the seamstress.
The Lord was furious. “You lied! That is an untruth!” The seamstress
replied, “Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if
I had said “no” to George Clooney, you would have come up with Brad
Pitt. Then if I said “no” to him, you would have come up with my
husband. Had I then said “yes,” you would have given me all three..
Lord, I’m not in the best of health and would not be able to take care of
all three husbands, so THAT’S why I said “yes” to George Clooney.
And so the Lord let her keep him.

Life in the Australian Army…
Text of a letter from a kid from Eromanga to Mum and Dad.
(Eromanga is a small town, west of Quilpie in south west Qld)
Dear Mum & Dad,
I am well. Hope youse are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil
that the Army is better than workin’ on the farm - tell them to get in
bloody quick smart before the jobs are all gone! I wuz a bit slow in
settling down at first, because ya don’t hafta get outta bed until 6am.
But I like sleeping in now, cuz all ya gotta do before brekky is make
ya bed and shine ya boots and clean ya uniform. No bloody cows to
milk, no calves to feed, no feed to stack - nothin’!!
Ya haz gotta shower though, but its not so bad, coz there’s lotsa hot
water and even a light to see what ya doing! At brekky ya get cereal,
fruit and eggs but there’s no kangaroo steaks or possum stew like
wot Mum makes. You don’t get fed again until noon and by that time
all the city boys are buggered because we’ve been on a ‘route march.’
Geez, its only just like walking to the windmill in the back paddock!!
This one will kill me brothers Doug and Phil with laughter. I keep
getting medals for shootin’ - dunno why. The bullseye is as big as a
bloody possum’s bum and it don’t move. All ya gotta do is make
yourself comfortable and hit the target - it’s a piece of piss!! You don’t
even load your own cartridges, they comes in little boxes, and ya
don’t have to steady yourself against the rollbar when you reload!
Sometimes ya gotta wrestle with the city boys and I gotta be real
careful coz they break easy - it’s not like fighting with Doug and Phil
and Jack and Boori and Steve and Muzza all at once like we do at
home after the muster. Turns out I’m not a bad boxer either and it
looks like I’m the best the platoon’s got, and I’ve only been beaten by
this one bloke from the Engineers - he’s 6 foot 5 and 15 stone and
three pick handles across the shoulders and as ya know I’m only 5 foot
7 and eight stone wringin’ wet, but I fought him till the other blokes
carried me off to the boozer. I can’t complain about the Army - tell the
boys to get in quick before word gets around how bloody good it is.
Your loving daughter, Sheila

More of the Irish
Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important
meeting and couldn’t find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said,
“Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every
Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!”
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Paddy looked up again and said, “Never mind, I found one.”

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he
meets, “Do you want to go to heaven?” The man said, “I do, Father.”
The priest said, “Then stand over there against the wall.”
Then the priest asked the second man, “Do you want to go to heaven?”
“Certainly, Father,” was the man’s reply. “Then stand over there against the
wall,” said the priest. Then Father Murphy walked up to O’Toole and said,
“Do you want to go to heaven?” O’Toole said, “No, I don’t Father.”
The priest said, “I don’t believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die
you don’t want to go to heaven?” O’Toole said, “Oh, when I die, yes.
I thought you were getting a group together to go right now.”

Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read
in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend,
Finney. “Did you see the paper?” asked Gallagher. “They say I died!!”
“Yes, I saw it!” replied Finney. “Where are ye callin’ from?”

Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, “Pour me a stiff
one - just had another fight with the little woman.”
“Oh yeah?” said Charlie, “And how did this one end?”
“When it was over,” Mike replied, “She came to me on her hands and knees.”
“Really,” said Charles, “Now that’s a switch! What did she say?”
She said, “Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.”


regards

Big John

The winner of the double massage this week is: RED F 23

December 3rd, 2009

A Little Flab:
One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife,
pinched her on the butt and said… “If you firmed this up, we could
get rid of your control top pantyhose.”
While this was on the edge of intolerable, she kept silent.
The next morning, the man grabbed each of her breasts and said…
“You know, if you firmed these up, we could get rid of your bra.”
This was beyond a silent response… So she rolled over and
grabbed him by his ‘DANGLER.’ With a death grip in place, she
said… “You know, if you firmed this up, we could get rid of the
gardener, the postman, the pool man and your brother!”

The Foot Thing:
This is hysterical. You have to try this. It is absolutely true. I guess
there are some things that the brain cannot handle…
This takes 2 seconds. I could not believe this! It is from an orthopaedic
surgeon…………. This will confuse your mind and you will keep trying
over and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but, you can’t.
It is pre-programmed in your brain!
1.  While sitting at your desk in front of your computer, lift your right foot
off the floor and make clockwise circles.
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number ‘6′ in the air with your right hand.
Your foot will change direction.
I told you so! And there’s nothing you can do about it! You and I both know
how stupid it is, but before the day is done you are going to try it again, if
you’ve not already done so.

The Kings Court Massage “Whole List” refreshed on Thus 3.12.09
Abigail
, mostly Friday and Saturday nights, Friendly blonde with very fair skin.
Alex, Busty slim Aussie
Alicia, mostly days, busty Aussie, likes to wear sexy themed outfits - Affectionate.!
Amber, Cute little sweetie pie.
Ami, Japanese busty tall
Anna, Slim very attractive Spanish
April, Petite pretty cute Greek – blonde with a neat little body NEW
Bianca, mostly nights, Lovely girl – busty curvaceous, exotic looks.
Bonny, Pretty blonde half Russian only on Tuesday days.
Carmen, Tall and friendly Aussie.
Cathy, Dark and exotic attractive Indonesian NEW
Chantal Scottish, size 16 very busty. Young smiley and pretty.
Claudia, VERY Tall German sweet girl is back from holidays.
Cleo, Tall slim Thai with exotic eyes – very nice NEW
Crystal, Busty Brazilian.
Desiree, Very pretty Brunette. Only on Weekends.
Erika, Japanese sweet a cute NEW
Elly, Slim and sexy brunette.
Eve, Cute intelligent with a great little body.
Faith, Busty Indian looking NEW
Hannah, mostly nights, also very shy and sweet, Aussie
Heidi, Beautiful Aussie chick  NEW.
Ingrid, busty size 10 – 12 redhead, friendly
Jackie, Dark skinned South American
Jade, Japanese sweet and petite NEW
Jessica, mostly nights, Chinese, very good massage
Josie, Busty Indonesian. Petite girl.
Julie, Busty pretty Japenese
Katrina, French/German pale skin and black hair.
Lana, Cute shy Philippino
Lilly, Japanese sweet and petite NEW
Mandy, mostly days, American BLONDE TEXAS BOMBSHELL, very popular and vivacious.
Mariella, Mostly days, South American beauty. Nice personality. Usually only on Friday days.
Megan, Very pretty Irish nice figure too. NEW
Mellisa, mostly nights, Malaysian, friendly, good massage - gets repeat bookings
Mia, VERY VERY Pretty Aussie with Vietnamese features NEW
Monica, Aussie, slightly older, good body and friendly.
Natasha, Busty curvy sexy Australian born Turkish
Natalie, mostly days, wonderfully friendly Thai
Nina, 9am Saturday only, soft mild mannered, very popular
Olivia, Blonde, sweet English rose.
Paris, Very, very slim and quite young.
Raquel, Busty Czech  NEW. Very good at massage!!
Renee, mostly nights, slim blonde
Ruby, mostly nights, very busty European
Sabrina, very, very, very busty European redhead.
Samantha, Tall young Aussie Blonde NEW
Suzy, Cute shy Chinese – very good massage and repeat clients.
Sylvia, Curvy South American quite attractive
Tina, Thai very easy to book – friend of Natalie - on holidays
Valerie, mostly nights, Malaysian good massage
Valeska, Slim Gothic. Popular.
Vanessa: Really! very attractive! Busty, brown hair.
Vivian, mostly days Aussie spiked hair, wild and very funny in the spa.
Yasmin, Slim tall Thai NEW
Zoe, mostly days, perky and very, very pretty. Qualified masseuse who is very sensual.

Cattle Dog Story:
Kevin Rudd called Julia Gillard into his office one day and said “Julia,
I have a great idea! We are going to go all out to win the country voters”.
“Good idea Leader, how will we go about it”? said Julia.
“Well”, said Rudd, “we get ourselves one of those Driaza Bone coats,
some RM Williams boots, a stick and an Akubra hat. Oh, and a blue
cattle dog. Then we’ll really look the part. We’ll go to a typical old outback
country pub, we’ll show we really enjoy the bush.” “Right” said Julia.
Days later, all kitted out and with the requisite blue heeler, they set off
from Canberra in a westerly direction. Eventually they arrived at just the
place they were looking for and found a typical outback pub. They walked
in with the dog and up to the bar. “G’day mate”, said Rudd to the bartender,
“two middies of your best beer.” “Good afternoon Leader,” said the
bartender, “two middies of our best coming up.”
Gillard and Rudd stood leaning on the bar drinking their beer and chatting,
nodding now and again to whoever came into the bar for a drink.The dog
lay quietly at their feet. All of a sudden, the door from the adjacent bar
opened and in came a grizzled old stockman, complete with stock whip.
He walked up to the cattle dog, lifted its tail with the whip and looked
underneath, shrugged his shoulders and walked back to the other bar. A
few moments later in came another old stockman with his whip. He walked
up to the dog and lifted its tail, looked underneath, scratched his head and
went back to the other bar. Over the course of the next hour or so another
four or five stockmen came in and lifted the dog’s tail and went away looking
puzzled. Eventually, Rudd and Gillard could stand it no longer and called the
barman over. “Tell me,” said Rudd, “why did all those old stockmen come in
and look under the dog’s tail like that? Is it an old outback custom?”
“Strewth no”, said the barman. “Someone told ‘em there was a cattle dog in
the bar with two arseholes”..

Americans:
When George Burns was 97 years old he was interviewed by Oprah Winfrey.
Oprah asked, “Mr. Burns, how do you carry so much  energy with you? You
are always working and at your age I think that is remarkable.”
Mr. Burns said, “I just take good care of myself and enjoy what I do when I
do it.” Oprah said, “I understand you still do the sex thing, even at your age.”
George said, “Of course I still do the sex thing, and I am quite good at it.”
Oprah said, “I have never been with an older man, would you do it with me?”
So they had sex  and when they finished Oprah said, “I just don’t believe I
have ever been so satisfied, you are a remarkable man.”
George said, “The  second time is even better than the first time.”
Oprah said, “You can  really do it again at your age?”!
George said, “Just let me sleep for 1/2 hour. You hold my testicles in your left
hand and my penis in your right hand and wake me up in thirty minutes.”
When she woke him up, they again had great sex, and Oprah was beside
herself with joy. She  said, “Oh Mr. Burns, I am astounded that you could do a
repeat performance and have it be better than the first time… at your age, Oh
My, Oh  My!!!” George said that the third time would be even better. “You just
hold my testicles in your left hand and my penis in your right hand and call me
in thirty minutes.” Oprah said, “Does me holding you like that kind of recharge
your batteries?” George said, “No, but the last time I had sex with a black
woman she stole my wallet!”



regards

Big John